tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-273850842011-12-26T03:45:34.922-08:00I love Coke Flooring.Jameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02646734533684983009noreply@blogger.comBlogger101100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27385084.post-1147607711691735892006-05-16T04:52:00.000-07:002006-05-16T09:22:13.200-07:00<div xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml">There was this "Husband Shopping Center" where a woman<br />could go to choose from among many men, for her husband. It<br />was laid out in five floors, with the men increasing in positive<br />attributes as you ascended up the floors. The only rule was,<br />once you opened the door to any floor, you must choose a man<br />from that floor, and if you went up a floor, you couldn't go<br />back down except to leave the place.<br />So, a couple of girls go to the place to find men ....<br /><br />First floor, the door had a sign saying "These men have jobs<br />and love kids." The women read the sign and say "Well that's<br />better than not having jobs, or not loving kids, but I wonder<br />what's further up?".<br />Soup they go.<br />Second floor says "These men have high paying jobs, love kids,<br />and are extremely good looking"<br />Hmmm, say the girls. But, I wonder what's further up?<br />Third floor: "These men have high paying jobs, are extremely<br />good looking, love kids and help with the housework." Wow! say<br />the women. Very tempting !!! But, there's more further up! have<br />high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking,help with<br />the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.<br />" Oh, mercy me. But just think! What must be awaiting us<br />further on! So up to the fifth floor they go.<br /><br />The sign on that door said "This floor is just to prove that women<br />are impossible to please."</div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/27385084-114760771169173589?l=thanxforvisiting.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Jameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02646734533684983009noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27385084.post-1147512349765068472006-05-13T02:22:00.000-07:002006-05-14T04:26:29.883-07:00<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/2947/2883/1600/bathroom.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/2947/2883/320/bathroom.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/27385084-114751234976506847?l=thanxforvisiting.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Jameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02646734533684983009noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27385084.post-1147370650898092022006-05-11T11:03:00.000-07:002006-05-15T01:15:45.230-07:00An aeroplane was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed<br />the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get<br />prepared for an emergency landing.<br /><br />A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone<br />was buckled in and ready.<br /><br />"All set back here, Captain," came the reply, "except the lawyers are still<br /> going around passing out business cards."<p></p><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/27385084-114737065089809202?l=thanxforvisiting.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Jameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02646734533684983009noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27385084.post-1147282595052581352006-05-10T10:33:00.000-07:002006-05-12T13:37:02.513-07:00<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/2947/2883/1600/Floor.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/2947/2883/320/Floor.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/27385084-114728259505258135?l=thanxforvisiting.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Jameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02646734533684983009noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27385084.post-1147091016558815672006-05-09T05:18:00.000-07:002006-05-15T14:49:15.543-07:00<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/2947/2883/1600/wood%20floor.gif"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/2947/2883/320/wood%20floor.png" alt="" border="0" /></a><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/27385084-114709101655881567?l=thanxforvisiting.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Jameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02646734533684983009noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27385084.post-1147195806213563362006-05-08T10:27:00.000-07:002006-05-13T03:55:15.486-07:00<span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:130%;" ><br /></span>A serious drunk walked into a beer bar and, after staring for some time<br />at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her and kissed<br />her. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologized<br />and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her."<br /><br />"Why you worthless, insufferable, wretched, no good drunk!" she screamed.<br /><br />"Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."<p></p><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/27385084-114719580621356336?l=thanxforvisiting.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Jameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02646734533684983009noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27385084.post-1146985562662629052006-05-07T12:14:00.000-07:002006-05-09T12:41:30.360-07:00<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/2947/2883/1600/cork-floor.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/2947/2883/320/cork-floor.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/2947/2883/1600/CORK%20FLOOR-001.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/2947/2883/320/CORK%20FLOOR-001.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/27385084-114698556266262905?l=thanxforvisiting.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Jameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02646734533684983009noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27385084.post-1146984867221892552006-05-07T11:51:00.000-07:002006-05-14T00:34:39.523-07:00Please check your computer for the following viruses:<br /><br />AL GORE VIRUS - Causes your computer to just keep counting and counting.<br /><br />MONICA LEWINSKY VIRUS - sucks all the memory out of your computer, then e-mails everyone about what it did.<br /><br />MIKE TYSON VIRUS - quits after one byte<br /><br />OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS - your 300mb hard drive suddenly shrinks to 100mb and then slowly expands to 200mb.<br /><br />DR. JACK KEVORKAIN VIRUS - deletes all old files.<br /><br />ELLEN DEGENERES VIRUS - you can no longer insert disks into your computer.<br /><br />TITANIC VIRUS - your whole computer goes down.<br /><br />DISNEY VIRUS - everything in your computer goes Goofy.<br /><br />PROZAC VIRUS - screws up your ram, but your processer doesn't care.<br /><br />JOEY BUTTAFUCCO VIRUS - only attacks minor files.<br /><br />ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS - terminates some files, leaves, but it'll be back.<br /><br />LORENA BOBBIT VIRUS - turns your hard drive into a 3.5 inch floppy.<br /><br />VIAGGRRA VIRUS - turns your 3.5 inch floppy into a hard drive.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/27385084-114698486722189255?l=thanxforvisiting.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Jameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02646734533684983009noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27385084.post-1146938717039273282006-05-06T10:51:00.000-07:002006-05-13T11:03:50.086-07:00How do you make an elephant float?<br />With two scoops of ice-cream, a bottle of cream soda, and an elephant.<br /><br />Why are elephants large, grey, and wrinkled?<br />Because if they were small, white, and smooth they would be aspirins.<br /><br />Why did the elephant wear dark sunglasses?<br />So he wouldn't be recognized.<br /><br />What did Tarzan say when the elephant came up over the hill?<br />Nothing. He didn't recognize the elephant because he was wearing dark<br />sunglasses.<br /><br />What did the cat say to the elephant?<br />Meow.<br /><br />Why do elephants wear red toenail polish?<br />Oops, sorry, no Polish jokes allowed.<br /><br />Why do elephants paint their toenails red?<br />So they can hide in the strawberry patch.<br /><br />But there aren't any elephants in the strawberry patch!<br />See, their camoflauge is working.<br /><br />How do you get an elephant to the top of an oak tree?<br />Plant an acorn under him and wait 50 years.<br /><br />What if I don't want to wait 50 years?<br />Put a parachute on the elephant and drop him from an elecopter.<br /><br />How do you get an elephant down from an oak tree?<br />Tell him to sit on a leaf and wait until autumn.<br /><br />Why are alligators long and flat?<br />They must have gotten too close to the oak tree.<br /><br />What's the difference between an African elephant and an Indian elephant?<br />About 3000 miles.<br /><br />What's the difference between an elephant and a flea?<br />An elephant can have fleas, but a flea can't have elephants.<br /><br />What's the difference between an elephant and an egg?<br />If you don't know, I hope you don't do the grocery shopping!<br /><br />Why did the elephant cross the road?<br />It was the chicken's day off.<br /><br />Why did the Frenchman sprinkle salt on the road?<br />To keep elephants away.<br /><br />But there are no elephants in France.<br />See, it's working!<br /><br />What do you do with a blue elephant?<br />Cheer him up.<br /><br />Where is the best place to see a herd of charging elephants?<br />On elevision.<br /><br />How do you keep an elephant from charging?<br />Take away his credit cards.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/27385084-114693871703927328?l=thanxforvisiting.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Jameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02646734533684983009noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27385084.post-1146883917056878792006-05-05T19:46:00.000-07:002006-05-12T16:54:34.636-07:00Why there are very few Blonde Doctors ?<br /><br />This one is hilarious. Before you start out, pleasekeep some towels<br />handy...there're going to be tearsstreaming down your cheeks.<br />This is the story of a Blonde who took a medicalentrance test.<br />Given below is a portion of the testanswers he gave.<br />Read on....... <br /><br />Antibody - against everyone<br />Artery - the study of fine paintings<br />Bacteria - back door to a cafeteria<br />Benign - what you be after you be eight<br />Bowel - letters like a, e, i, o, u<br />Caesarian Section - a district in Rome<br />Cardiology - advanced study of Poker playing<br />Cat Scan - searching for lost kitty<br />Chronic - neck of a crow<br />Coma - punctuation mark<br />Cyst - short form of sister<br />Diagnosis - person with slanted nose<br />Dilate - the late British Princess Diana<br />Dislocation - in this place<br />Duodenum - couple in blue jeans<br />Genes - blue denim<br />Enema - not a friend<br />False Labor - pretending to work<br />Impotent - distinguished / well-known<br />Labor Pain - hurt at work<br />Lactose - people without feet<br />Lymph - walk unsteadily<br />Microbes - small dressing gowns<br />Obesity - City of Obe<br />Pacemaker - winner of Nobel Peace Prize<br />Protein - in favor of teens<br />Pulse - grain<br />Red Blood Count - Dracula<br />Rupture - Ecstasy<br />Secretion - hiding anything<br />Subcutaneous - not cute enough<br />Tablet - small table<br />Tumor - extra pair / you die<br />Ultrasound - radical noise<br />Urine - opposite of you're out<br />Vein - at what time?<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/27385084-114688391705687879?l=thanxforvisiting.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Jameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02646734533684983009noreply@blogger.com5